I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Of course I have a pirate flag
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
