Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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