I want to have your abortion
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
