My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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