I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
