Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
