just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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