What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think i have two assholes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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