You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
