Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
