The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
