I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
