friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
