I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
