john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
