I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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