Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
