She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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