i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
