The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
