When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
