Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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