She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
