If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
