i would punch a child for taco bell
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
