Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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