the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
