I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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