im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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