is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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