Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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