i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
