CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
