How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
