Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
