He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
