My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
