That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
