You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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