So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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