Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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