dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
