i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
