Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
