3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
