Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
