I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
