She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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