i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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