can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
