You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it's like iHOP with fire
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
