overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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